so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
