I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize