Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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