I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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