giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
