What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize