remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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