you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
