I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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