So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
