i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
