so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
