Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
