I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize