so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
