I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
