oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
