dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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