So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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