Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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