my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
