Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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