his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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