how can u be prego again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
