so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
