Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
