normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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