like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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