fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
