My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I didn't notice because vodka
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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