Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
