Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
