How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
