just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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