what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
