remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
