i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
