i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
