Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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