Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize