And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize