So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
