I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
