I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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