I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
