She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
