I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
another moral hangover. fuck.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
