Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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