Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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