all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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