I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Farmville is her only friend.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
