it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
