I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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