you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
