3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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