The maid of honor just puked.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
