please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
