YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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