Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
