Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
