I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
there was a trapeze. enough said
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
