Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
