Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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