Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
