fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
