i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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