Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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