You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
