I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize