I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
