In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Congratulations! We have a period
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
