My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Boobs speak an international language.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
