I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
