Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize