man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
