Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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