it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
