my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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