every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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